


Harry Potter and The Real Slim Shady

by TheBloodletter



Category: Eminem (Musician), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Comedy, Eminem - Freeform, The Real Slim Shady
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBloodletter/pseuds/TheBloodletter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fred and George pull an unforgettable prank. Set during the 3rd book. Originally posted on Wattpad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Potter and The Real Slim Shady

**Author's Note:**

> A silly little work I wrote for school, that I hope you enjoy. Kudos and comments are much appreciated. Disclaimer I don't own harry potter or the song.

The dining hall was filled with excited students chatting with each other about their summer break. Harry was still feeling uneasy from when the Dementor attacked him on the train and wasn’t really listening to anyone. He did hear Ron asking Seamus and Dean if either of them had seen Ron’s older twin brothers Fred and George. Both Seamus and Dean shock their heads no. Ron sighed and wondered out loud were they could be.

“They’re probably just pulling one of their pranks, Ron” Hermione said disapprovingly.

“Yeah probably.” Ron sighed. 

Right then a nervous house elf appeared behind Professor Dumbledore. The house elf began whispering to Professor Dumbledore. First Dumbledore looked confused then he began to smile kindly at the house elf and nodded. The house elf relaxed then snapped its fingers causing cups filled with a strange liquid to appear in front of all the students and the faculty including Professor Dumbledore.

Dumbledore Picked up his cup that was filled with the strange liquid and says in a booming voice “Attention students and faculty our schools house elves have prepared us a new type of drink for us. So I want you all to raise your glasses and take a big drink for the house elves who work so hard for us.” Dumbledore raised his cup in the air and waited for everyone else to do the same.

Once everyone had their cups raised in the air Dumbledore said “To the house elves and to the beginning of a wonderful new year at Hogwarts.”

The house elf disappeared as people clanked there cups together then began to take big gulps of the strange liquid.  Lots of uggs and ewws followed as people spit the foul tasting liquid out of their mouths. People quickly started talking about who disgusting the drink was. Many were wondering what we’re thinking serving this.

It wasn’t long before Harry started to feel weird. Harry couldn’t place when but he had the strange feeling that he had felt this before. Others must be feeling weird s well because he could see the nervous look on their faces. Some kids jumped up in panic yelling that they must have been poisoned. There were gasp and cries of fear and confusion as people began changing in appearance. Harry recognized the person everyone was changing into as the muggle rap artist Eminem. The foul tasting strange looking liquid must have been Polyjuice potion. Harry realized why that weird feeling felt so familiar. Harry had felt it when he and Ron took it to change into Crab and Goyle to spy on Malfoy last year.

The doors to the dining hall opened Fred and George strolled in each carrying a cup. Wordlessly they smiled at each other and chugged there drink.  Fred was wearing a baggy orange sweat pants. George’s sweat pants were the same except the color which was green. They also had on matching white baggy shirts. They tossed there cups to the side and picked up there wands as they jogged to the front of the room. Fred and George ignored the teacher’s cries of anger as they also began to change into Eminem. They then pointed to the ceiling and whispered a spell causing familiar music to start playing all throughout the dining hall. Harry remembers hearing his cousin Dudley play this song during the summer break. Fred and George quickly started singing using there wands like microphones.

May I have your attention please?  
May I have your attention please?

Harry started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.   
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?  
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?  
We're gonna have a problem here..  
“Bloody Hell, Mom and Dad are going to kill them for this” Ron said smiling.

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before  
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door  
And started whooping her ass worse than before  
They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)  
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,  
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"  
And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!  
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)  
Feminist women love Eminem  
Fred and George winked at Hermione.   
"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him  
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what  
Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Fred and George skipped down the rows of tables raping in a girly voice.   
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose  
But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Fred and George both stopped and pointed at what Harry guessed was Malfoy causing bellows of laughter from students in other houses including Harry himself.   
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't  
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

George came up behind Malfoy and stuck his butt up in the air near Malfoys head while singing  
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"  
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids  
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is  
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is  
By the time they hit fourth grade  
They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

Fred came up behind the new professor Lupin and rapped   
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals  
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes  _[SLURP]_  
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Fred them ran over to Professor Dumbledore. While smiling he rapped   
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope  
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote  
George by then had made it over to Angela. Were he kissed her on the cheek causing her to blush. This quickly changed to her trying to punch him after he rapped the next line.

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes  
  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
Fred and George ran and jumped back and forth down the aisle ways.   
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;  
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!  
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?  
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

George pointed at a very angry Professor Snape.   
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"  
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?  
Fred and George sat on both sides of an enraged Pansy Parkinson while rapping

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs  
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

They then moved over to sit by Crab and Goyle   
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first  
Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV  
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"  
I should download her audio on MP3  
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD 

Fred and George pointed there wands at some freshly sorted first years and made shooting noises while rapping  
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me  
So I have been sent here to destroy you   
And there's a million of us just like me

Fred and George jumped on the tables nocking plates and cups off as they began to run down them.   
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me  
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me  
It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!  
They continued walking down the table kicking plates of food off on the screaming students getting out of their seats as they sang the chorus.   
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you  
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

Fred and George hoped down on both sides of Percy Wesley.   
The only difference is I got the balls to say it  
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all  
I just get on the mic and spit it  
And whether you like to admit it  _[*ERR*]_  I just shit it  
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Percy was clearly getting very angry; he started shouting at the twins that they would be expelled for this.   
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums  
It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty  
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting  
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens  
And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

Percy’s face turned bright red and he stopped yelling.   
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking  
He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings _[*HACH*]_

Fred and George both spit of the plate of a disgusted Percy.    

Or in the parking lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"  
With his windows down and his system up  
So, will the real Shady please stand up?  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?  
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control  
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?  
The twin stood on the middle table with their hands raised in the air as they sang the chorus.   
Ha ha  
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us  
Fuck it, let's all stand up

The music stopped and Fred and George hoped down from the table. Hermione Ron and Harry rushed over to talk to them. Hermione and Ron were asking them millions of questions along with other students who had come over. Before the twins could start answering there questions a very angry Snape came over and grabbed the wins by their shirts and started dragging them toward the other teachers.

“Well that was an interesting start of the new school year” Hermione said.

“Bloody Hell it was a lot more then interesting Hermione it was brilliant” Ron said excitedly back.

“Yeah but I wonder how did Fred and George get Eminem’s hair for the potion.” Hermione wondered.

“Magic I guess” Harry said.

 


End file.
